Bretheren, As it is,

1. 1 A few weeks ago we received information during one of the Omega Dialogues about parent/child relationships. It concerns the aspect of rejection and it is as follows:

2 "There is a pattern, and it runs in a circle. It starts at the top of the circle, and there parent and child are one.

3 "Then the rejection starts. The parent separates the child and thereby rejects it. The child res- ponds by rejecting the parent, and the cycle of alienation begins; the Child moving away from the parent down one side of the circle. The parent remains at the top.

4 "The rejection continues and the separation inc- reases until the child is at te opposite side of the circle, as far removed from the parent as poss- ible; the point of maximum alienation. And the final rejection at this point is the heaviest of all, and THE FORCE OF IT DRIVES THE CHILD 0N AROUND THE CIRCLE AND UP INTO ACCEPTANCE AND REUNION.

5 "That is the road back; the force of the final heaviest rejection of all, driving the child up the other side of the circle into acceptance.

6 "The parent cannot reverse the cycle. He cannot bring the child back the way It has gone. A cycle once begun must be completed. But he can maintain the pattern, and thereby ensure the com- pletion of the cycle. And the pattern is rejec- tion.

7 "Also there is only one point on this particular cycle where the child has a full glimpse of its parent That is at the bottom of the cycle, dir- ectly opposite the parent; again the point maximum alienation. And this glimpse adds to the force already driving the child to continue up the other side of the circle. On the way down, the child is facing away from the parent, because of its path of rejection, so there is no vision of the parent at all, not even a glimpse.

8 "So it is the child that moves. The child Ieaves the parent and the child must bring itself back to the parent. The way the parent can contribute and play his part is by feeling the rejection, making it felt fully, enacting it, and TRUSTING THE CHILD TO BE ABLE TO TAKE IT.

9 "That is the important part, because the trap for the parent is to look at the child and say that the child cannot make it. Then he starts going easier on the child, which means he is going easi- er on himself, so that he will not see hlmself, because he is not playing the game fully.

10 "If the parent 'soft pedals' on the rejection he feels towards the child, the child stagnates on the rejection side of the circle, with no force to drive it towards and through the point of maximum alienation. The relationship does not resolve. It disintegrates. The parent is not rejecting, he is INVALIDATING, and invalidation is death. Because he has decided at the Child cannot take the punishment in terms of positive rejection, he loses interest, switches off his feelings. That is not rejection, but invalldatlon.

11 "Positive rejection is energy, which drives a be- ing to complete its cycle and return to the point from which It began. When that is done then there is reunion, the energy can be redirected. There need no longer be lnterest IN the being, directed TOWARDS it; instead there is interest WITH the being, a combined interest directed to- wards something else; a higher more advanced aspect of the game.

12 "That is the next step; after the completion of the cycle. "

2. 1 So parents, look at your relationships wlth your children. You will find that when you allow yourself to feel the negative attitudes that go with rejectlon. and give vent to them, exp- ress them in relation to your children, come down on your child- ren with a heavy hand when that is what feels right to you; then they move. They are satlsfled and they stay with the game. But when you hide your feelings, or shut them off, and treat your children gently because you are afraid they will crumble under harsh punishment, then they drift into a miasma of insecurity, and are likely in some cases to lose sight of the game. They feel - not rejected - but completely invalid. And that is a punishment far harsher than any brutal treatment you can possibly give to them - and a punishment not deserved.

2 Besides, you will find that when you expresss the rejection fully, enact it to your own satisfaction, then you reach a point of acceptance. Give vent to the hatred, and as long as you know what you are doing you will find and feel the love beyond it. You are enacting a harmonic or a microcosm of the complete cycle - acceptance reached through the full expression of rejection. Whereas when you fail to express the rejection, you simply con- tinue to feel it.

3 But remember how easy justifications are to find. The child collapses in mlsery under the barrage of rejection, sinks down, weeps, moans, and becomes the victim. "You see," says the par- ent; "my child really cannot take it. He just makes me guilty."

4 Would you settle for a lesser effect? That is the burden of rejection felt to the ultimate. That is the force of rejection reachlng its target with a fulI impact. That is movement.

5 But the parent must know what he is doing; accept it, and go through it until he is satisfied. Then he can feel the love beyond, and reward the child. If the parent simply collapses into guilt at what he appears to have 'done' to the child, the cycle stagnates.

6 The Chlld must SUFFER the rejectlon. It must FEEL rejected. If it 'rides' the rejection wlthout response, there has been no contact.

7 Just as we must be prepared to suffer in order to pay off the debt of unlversal expiation, so also we must be prepared to inflict suffering on one another at the appropriate tlmes. We must pay, but we must also help one another to pay. With awareness, this can be done with great preclslon and a mlnlmum of effort.

8 Where there is blind compulsive blame, there is guilt, and therefore a retreat from the effects created. The 'worse' the effects the greater the guilt and the greater the blame. But where there is awareness of the purpose of expresslng negative attitudes freely, then there is an acceptance of the effects created; the 'worse' they are the more is released in the one who creates them, and therefore also in the one who receives them.

3. 1 Parent/child relationships can only ultimately be resolved if they are kept in time. By this I mean each situation being tackled, all reactions and responses expressed, all attitudes made known, without delay - or with as little delay as the cir- cumstances allow

2 Letting tense or highly charged situations drag on with no con- tact, unless this is done as a calculated test or experiment for a specific and constructive purpose, brings only a great deal of pointless suffering to both sides and resolves nothing. It arises from guilt, and guilt is there to be expiated and not used to ustify blame and suppression

3 So feel both sldes of the intensity and express both sides of the intensity. The negative attitudes and aspects can only be transmuted into positive if they are allowed to come out, to be seen and known.

4 Ultimate acceptance through current rejectlon. The inversion which humanity has long since lost all hope of rediscovering. Unity through separation.

5 Only when we cease to be afraid of our own negativity, can we move with assurance towards positive fulfilment. When we accept and live easily with hatred, then we can begin truly to know love.

6 Remember again, the road to Life passes through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

So be it.

[ Signature Robert ]



Return to The BI's Return to Process Teachings